A Day of Hope- Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death

Dear Cameron,

Today is August 19. Today is considered A Day of Hope in the miscarriage, stillborn, and infant death community. I don't understand this day very well since this is still so new to me; it's still fresh. I don't know if I'm suppose to have hope that this won't happen again or if I'm suppose to take the time to remember you and honor you. If either one are the case, I do that everyday.

Cameron, I hope this doesn't happen to me or to anyone else ever again. Although this hope is unrealistic, my hope is that when it does, that person is able to find the joy and love in the midst of their heartache. I hope they are able to know that their child is loved and will always be remembered. My hope is that every tear they cry is not cried in vain and that they remember that God loves them and He never left them. I hope that mother uses her strength to tell her story of her baby that one day she is able to help someone else who is going through the same thing. My hope is that she passes her hope to someone else to build them up. I hope she is a light and encouragement for others who may feel hopeless.

Losing a child, weather it be a miscarriage, stillbirth, or due to infant death can be a very lonely place, especially if someone doesn't know Jesus. However, I think mothers who have suffered, and those still suffering, from such a loss should always remember that we are not alone. Sometimes it is hard to seek the light in the midst of this trial, but we can be a light for each other. There are days when I would rather be in that dark place, but my friends, family, and the love of Jesus won't allow me to.
Sometimes I want to have my pity party of one, refreshments not included, and just be left alone, but something in me won't allow me to. Maybe that's my own hope, or my faith. Honestly I really don't know, but whatever it may be is so strong-willed that it doesn't even allow me to go to that raw devilish place most times.

My hope is that mothers no longer live in fear. That we continue to take care of ourselves and to remind ourselves that this (stillbirth, infant death, and miscarriage) is out of our control. We, mothers, are only the passing point for our children. We do not have the ability to peak inside our bellies and see what is going on. We cannot build-a-baby like we can a beautifully stuffed bear. I hope that we continue to enjoy pregnancy. My hope is also that we allow God to be God and remember that his plan is much greater than our own. We have to know that God sees the entire picture and that He knows what's best for us. I hope people allow the heart of a bereaved mother room to grieve and I hope people don't expect us to be strong all the time. I hope that women know that it truly and honestly gets better and that we will learn a lot about ourselves along the way. I hope we remember that God would not have allowed this to happen if He knew we couldn't bare it. I hope that mothers remember that although our children may have been stillbirths, they were still born and are very much still loved.

Now that's a realistic hope.

1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14 

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

I hope this helps.

I love you Cam so much.

Love Always,

Mommy