October 15th: A Day of Rememberance

Dear Cameron,

I love you.

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Today is October 15, 2013. Today is considered a day of remembrance for babies who were loss during pregnancy and infant death. Today is a day to honor and remember the children who have left this earth to be with the Lord.

Chandler and Cameron's Balloon

On this day, I not only honor you, Cameron, but I first solute and honor all the parents who have had to bury their child(ren). On this day, October 15, 2013, I remember the families who had to give their babies their first and last kiss. I honor the parents who, so bravely, walked out of hospitals, around the world, lonely, broken and empty handed. I solute the parents who keep their child(ren)'s memory alive; the parents who courageously share their story. I honor the parents who live life, laugh, love and grieve; I honor them. 

Today, Deborah, the mother of baby girl Chandler born sleeping, and I released balloons in the honor of you both. It was so much fun! While today is indeed a day of remembrance, we decided to use this day as a joyous celebration. We had 12 balloons: four pinks, four whites, and four blues. Inside each balloon was a small led light that made the balloon glow.  

After we said "I love you" and "I miss you", we let go of our balloons and watched as they gracefully floated in the air. The sky was a dark bluish mixed with purple. The balloons looked like little stars dancing across the sky. The cool light breeze helped them as if directing them towards the two of you. Three landed in a nearby tree, but loosened themselves free and continued with the others. That was funny.

It reminded me of blowing a puffy dandelion and watching the seeds float in the same direction on a nice summer day, but never seeing where they ended up landing.  
We watched the sky in awe keeping our eyes on the bright balloons until they were out of sight; disappearing behind the clouds. 

Once we released the balloons.

My eyes watered a little bit, watching the balloons and thinking of you.  This time they weren't tears of sadness and sorrow, but tears of joy. I smiled a lot thinking of how proud you are of me and how courageous I have been. Doing this, sending you the balloons, felt like you were so close. It felt like I could finally reach you for the first time in four months. 
I like that feeling. 

I finally pressed the pause button on life and caught my breath. 
Thank You Lord for giving me rest in the middle of chaos.

So on this day sweetheart dedicated to remembering you, Chandler and other babies, I also remember and honor their families. I pray that God continues to give them the same peace He has given Deborah and I. I pray that families look to the sky and in the midst of darkness, they see a sprinkle, glimmer, or whatever they want to call it, of light. I like to think of that little light as hope, soaring across the sky to someone who needs it. 

My sweet Cameron, mommy loves you so much! 
I will always remember you baby.

Love Always,

Mommy