A Minute With Cameron

Dear Cameron,

I miss you.

I sometimes imagine God allowing me to see you one last time for a minute or so. I wonder what I would do or even say if I had that chance.

I've pictured myself asking you if you miss me and if you're okay, but then I'm soon reminded how that's a waste of a minute with you.

Then I pictured myself just staring at you wondering if I would recognize your face and you staring back trying to recognize mine. But that's also a waste.

I think if God allowed me a minute, it would begin with a warm embrace. I imagine myself swooping you in my arms with so much love. Everything around us would stand still, or seem as though it was still. Nothing outside of the embrace would matter. I would then look you in your eyes and you stare back at mine smiling that beautiful smile I imagined you having. It is an innocent smile filled with love. The kind of smile you don't need to say much after because the smile is understood...if that makes sense. I then picture myself kissing your forehead; the same way I did the day you were born and the same way I did just before placing you into your bassinet the nurses used to peacefully exit with you. The only difference is that this time there will be no tears, no screaming, and no falling to the floor begging them to take me instead. I lastly picture myself whispering

I love you..

and you confidently saying in return to me in a sweet voice I've only heard in my dreams

I love you too mommy.

I imagine God touching my shoulder, signalling me that my time has ended...and I'm okay. I have no tears, no screams, no falling to the floor, and most of all, no fear. There is only love and a smile shared between us knowing we will see each other again. I vision you giving me one last hug this time ending with a kiss on my cheek; I give you one in return. You let go of me, grab God's hand, and give me one more smile just before turning around slowly and walking away with God. I imagine myself standing up, strong this time, and smile as I watch you both disappear gracefully into a bright light. That's when I know the two of you entered the Kingdom of Heaven.

I love you so much Cameron. I can't wait to see you again.

Love Always,

Mommy